So maybe its true
by KCameron
Summary: When I get to my car and start to pull out of the parking lot I start to wonder if she misses me, too." Sequel to "Wishes and realities." Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: So I thought I would post this chapter now. This is a continuation of my story "Wishes and Realities" from Cuddy's POV. R & R! Enjoy :-)**

**Disclaimer: Nope**

Its cold in Princeton. For about three weeks now the temperatures have been hovering just below freezing. It's the type of cold that takes your breath away and makes the quick dash from the front door to the car unbearable. When I was in college I remember the cold temperatures and the thick blanket of snow. Winters in New Jersey are different than winters in Michigan. Here, we're lucky if by the end of January we still have snow. Most of the time the freezing rain washes it away before anyone has a chance to enjoy it. I take a deep breath and open the door to make the quick walk from my car to the main entrance of the hospital.

I stop at the information center to pick up my messages and I see House's new fellow. Her name is Remy or Wren or something like that. House calls her Thirteen for reason's that give me a headache to remember. She's cute. She's a competent doctor. And it's horrible to admit I can't stand to be around her for too long. Even though she never knew Cameron and she will never know how much I knew Cameron, looking at her makes me miss Cameron all the same. She's been here for about a month. It took House four and a half weeks to finally hire someone else. "Good morning, Dr. Cuddy." Remy says to me.

"Morning, Dr. Hadley." I say before meeting her eyes with a brief smile walking toward my office. I hear footsteps behind me and I sigh because that means that she has more to talk to me about. At this time of morning she could only want to talk to me about something House has done or something he refuses to do to do something else…if that makes sense. I don't want to deal with either of those choices right now. "What did House do now?" I ask as I enter my office and turn around to face her. She seems stunned that I knew she was behind me. She's new, she'll learn.

"Oh, um." She is thrown off for a second. "Actually House isn't here yet." She admits. "I just. This might sound stupid, but do you want to get a drink?"

She's coming on to me? It's eight in the morning and she is asking me out? My throat goes dry and I feel like I need to find something to do with my hands because they are starting to shake. It's been almost exactly two months since she left. I just realized that now. We broke up on Wednesday she was gone by Monday. When I had thought out this whole plan of breaking up with her, I never factored into the equation the possibility that she would leave. I haven't tried to call her, mainly because I know she won't pick up. House said something about her applying for a job at Penn. I wonder if she is still living in the same apartment. Dr. Hadley coughing lightly alerts me to the fact that I have probably been zoning out for a good ten seconds. "I can't," I apologize feebly.

"Oh..." She says. "That's fine."

"Its not you. Its just that I just got out of a relationship because my work life was too crazy and..." I find myself explaining to her for no reason. "I'm flattered. But I can't." I found that I have gotten good at lying. _Don't expect me to be here when you decide you want this._

"No really." She says holding up her hand to stop me. "Its fine. You don't have to explain it to me." She gives me a sweet smirk and I hope that she actually gets it. "I'll see you later I'm sure." Then she is gone. I put my things down with a sigh and start to file through the million things that have piled up on my desk.

House has no case. So, of course, it becomes my job to find one for him. He informed me of this yesterday when I found him sleeping in the clinic for the third time this week. So, aside from trying to find a doctor for the senior attending position in Trauma and trying to get a few more donations for the new Maternity ward, I am blessed with the task of going through referral requests. There are some days where I really regret hiring House. It is because of this that I pick up a case file that was sent to me yesterday for consideration.

The patient is a twelve-week-old baby who was born seven weeks early due to the mother being severely injured in a car accident. The baby girl was given a tracheostomy for the first few weeks she was in the NICU due to the fact that her lungs were still undeveloped. They were able to remove the tube but she had suffered complications with her lungs including flaring of the chest cavity and frequent chest infections. Still enduring unexplained complications, her attending has referred her to us. I take a deep breath and close the file. Putting on my suit jacket, I head out of my office towards the Diagnostics Department.

I find Chase, Foreman and Thirteen in the conference room. House, as I suspected is in his office with the TV on. I drop the files off on the table for the team and walk into House's office. "Turn off the TV." I command futilely. "You have a patient."

"No, I don't." He says without looking at me as if he is a disobedient four year-old.

I know that this is going nowhere, so I yank the cord and stand in front of the now blank screen. "Female that presents with a flared chest cavity, a narrowed larynx and frequent chest infections."

"She's a smoker with COPD." He states with a roll of his eyes. "You know, I liked you a lot better when you were screwing Cameron."

The mention of Cameron stings a little. I know that's what he intended, so I steel myself and continue. "She's ten weeks old." I say and I know that he's interested now. I try not to give him a self-satisfied smile as I walk out off the room into the hallway. Its horrible to think this, but as I hit the elevator button I can't help but be relieved at the fact that this case will keep him busy for a while.

When I get back to my office, I see that my assistant has sifted through the pile of resumes for the Trauma job. I go through a few applicants when I come across Cameron's file. She's applying for the Trauma job. I am stuck between calling her and giving her the job and throwing the file in the trash. By four 'o'clock, the files for Trauma are still on my desk. House has already been in my office twice, once for a chest MRI and then for a lung biopsy. Yet, the last thing that I want to think about is the fact that Cameron wants to come back. This is when wine starts to sound like a good idea.

I give the files to my assistant on my way out of the office about half an hour after I decide to give Cameron the job. I feel bad for him sometimes because it has become a pattern for me to drop an urgent task on his desk on my way out the door. But, I need a new attending in the E.R. and I don't want to call Cameron myself. I'll buy him a really nice Christmas present, I think to myself while I walk out the doors to the hospital. When I get to my car and start to pull out of the parking lot I start to wonder if she misses me, too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Nope not mine even though I want them so bad. **

**Author's Note: So here is the second chapter. There should be more soon. So if you can't tell I have kind of taken cannon stuff and twisted it to my liking. I guess this would come in around the beginning of season four...if you squint and turn your head to the right. R& R and enjoy! **

The next day I am walking to the NICU when I see her from across the hallway. It takes me a moment to realize that its her because her hair is a shade of honey blonde. I turn quickly toward the elevators and press the button. I wonder if it would look weird if I were to turn and half run up the stairs. "Dr. Cuddy." I hear her say as she catches up to me.

"Dr. Cameron." I stutter professionally. "You decide to take the job?" I ask stupidly.

"Yeah." She sighs. "House is crazy but that doesn't mean that I don't miss this hospital." She smiles at me and I start to hope that she means me.

"I'm glad. It'll be good to have you back." The door to the elevator opens and I quickly thank God that I have an escape.

"You look great by the way." She says as I move to step into the elevator and leave her on the outside smiling that smile that makes me want to kiss the corners of her mouth.

"So do you." I say cordially before stealthily hitting the "close door" button. I hope she knows that I mean she looks beautiful.

Getting out of the elevator on the third floor, I head towards the NICU. Chase had paged me before I ran into Cameron. My guess is something happened to their patient and House is nowhere to be found. "You paged me?" I say to Chase as I enter the glass room at the end of the hall.

"Yeah." He says as with an almost unnoticeable toss of his hair. The hair is adorable I have to admit that. "Her heart stopped." He indicates the baby sleeping in the bassinet to his right. "We were able to stabilize her but she is having trouble breathing on her own. I think her lungs are shutting down."

"Where's House?" I ask trying to focus on the fact that this case is not mine to get involved with.

"I've paged him three times." Is all Chase has to say before I am out the door and headed to find my employee.

I find him on the fourth floor, sleeping in his favorite coma patient's room. "House." I say loudly to try and wake him. "_House!_" I say a little louder this time. Still no change. Frustrated with him and with myself for letting him act like this, I take the magazine covering his eyes and smack him on the shoulder with it.

"Hmph." Is all he stutters before opening one eye to glare at me. "What do you want?"

"You're needed in the NICU. Your patient crashed." I say.

"I'm sure Chase has a handle on it." He states before leaning back in the chair again and closing his eyes.

"House, I don't have time for this today." I begin to plead with him.

Something pops into his head because he sits up and smiles his cheshire cat smile at me. "So I hear Cameron's back." He states with nonchalance.

"Yes. I just hired her for the senior attending slot in the E.R." I cross my arms instinctively as the words fall out of my mouth.

"You two getting back together?" He asks with a cock of his eyebrow as he sits up to lean on his cane.

"Don't be ridiculous House." I can't even remember how many times I've had to say that to him.

"Her hair makes her look like a hooker." He wiggles his eyebrows at me. I'm fighting really hard to suppress the urge to clench my fists. "Did you notice?"

"I haven't seen her yet actually." I lie. "Which is the opposite of what I want you to do with your patient today." I say, indicating the door with my right hand.

He gets up and heads toward the door. He stops halfway out and turns around to face me. "Do you think Cameron still likes men? I was thinking about asking if she wanted to get a drink."

"Do what you want, House." I sigh with a shake of my head. I know he is testing me to see what my reaction will be. I don't give him the satisfaction he thinks he deserves.

"Hm." He observes as he turns and leaves. Knowing that he is off to eventually do what I asked of him, I head back to my office to bury myself in paperwork to renew the hospitals insurance policy. I see Cameron by the information desk again talking to Chase as she puts on her scarf. They seem to be having an amicable conversation. He leans in to kiss her on the cheek as he gives her a hug and she catches my eyes over his shoulder. I look away as I turn to the door to my office. I sit down at my desk and open up the insurance policy on my computer. I find my mind wandering from time to time as I try and analyze why Chase would kiss Cameron on the cheek in the middle of the hospital. I don't let it wander any further because I know I will start wondering if they are together.

Two hours pass and as I am packing up to head out of the office for the day to go and work from home, my door opens and House and his team enter. I stand up behind my desk, knowing that whatever they are here to tell me could only be bad news. "What happened?" I ask without pretense.

"Analee died twenty minutes ago." Foreman says with an exhausted sigh.

"How?" I ask quietly.

"She had Thoracopelvic dysostosis. She went into respiratory distress and her heart stopped. We weren't able to revive her." Thirteen says with an icy professionalism.

"How are the parents?" I know House doesn't want me to care, but I can't help but feel a heartbreaking attachment to the case.

"Their baby just died." House scoffs. "How do you think they feel?"

"Ok." Is all I can say as I sit back down at my desk and House and the others get the hint that this conversation is over and vacate the room in orderly fashion. Tears pool in my eyes and I wipe my hand over my face to try and get them not to fall. I fail miserably and a few hot tears slip from my eyes. I know its stupid. I was only in same room as the patient for a few minutes, have never spoken to the parents, and have very little knowledge of the case and still I feel a guilt that makes me feel incredibly alone.

I get my stuff together slowly, not wanting to walk out into the lobby of my hospital looking like a mess. I leave the radio off and roll down the windows as I drive back to my house in no particular hurry. First thing I do when I get in the door after dropping my bag at the door is walk into the kitchen to pour myself a glass of wine. Still in my coat and shoes, I start to cry again. I put the wine glass down, not even wanting to drink it. I reach into my jacket pocket and pull out my phone. My thumb hovers over the send button as I stare at Cameron's number. Taking a deep breath, I hit the green button and press the phone to my ear. Five rings and she hasn't picked up. On the seventh ring, I am on the verge of tears and hanging up when her end of the line clicks to life. "Hello?" She asks like she knows who it is.

"Cam--Allison, can I come over?" That was not what I originally intended to ask her, but its the only thing that I remember how to say right now.

She must hear my tears because I have a feeling she wouldn't give in this easy if I were to sound alright. "Yeah, I'll leave the door unlocked." She says quietly before she hangs up the phone without saying goodbye.

I grab just my keys and drive to her house. It seemed like the longest car ride in the history of the world. She left the door open like she promised me she would and I walk into her apartment, shutting and locking the door behind me. She is sitting on the couch watching CSI and doesn't turn to look at me. I hang my jacket on the peg near the door and slip off my shoes. She finally turns to look at me when I reach the edge of the couch. I can only imagine what I must look like because she gives me a concerned look. Seeing her makes the tears come again and I sit down next to her and curl into her shoulder as I start to cry."Hey, hey." She says soothingly as she shits to wrap her arms around me. "What's wrong?" She asks into my hair.

"I don't even know." I choke out.

"Okay." She says. I miss that about her. I miss how she doesn't pry and just waits for me to be able to tell her what's wrong. I also miss the way she always smell like Dior.

I must have cried myself to sleep on her shoulder because I wake in the same position with CSI still playing in the background. I realize that Cameron hasn't moved either and I suddenly feel bad for crushing her shoulder for however long and disentangle myself from her to sit up straight. "I'm sorry." I apologize quickly. "Its just been a long day." I run my fingers through my hair and look towards the clock. I'd been asleep for about half an hour.

"You don't need to apologize to me." She smiles sweetly.

"I should get going." I say but I really hope that she'll ask me to stay.

"You don't have to leave." Cameron says sweetly.

"I don't have any clothes." I say trying to make futile excuses for myself.

"You could wear some of mine, it'll be fine." She assures me. She leads me back to her bedroom and I think about the last time I was here. _Don't expect me to be here when you decide that you want this._ "Here," she says handing me a pair of familiar looking sleeping boxers and a t-shirt. "I think the boxers are yours anyway."

"Thanks." I say genuinely and she nods her head slightly before leaving the room. I change into the clothes that she gave me and head back out towards the living room. I sit back down on the couch and lay down to put my head on her lap. She instinctively places her hand on my shoulder and even though it is January and I should be freezing, her body heat comforts me. I tell her everything. I tell her about Thirteen asking me out and House's patient. I tell her I don't know why I took the baby's death so hard. I tell her everything except the fact that I think about her everyday. I don't ask her if she is seeing Chase. She doesn't say anything as I stop talking and take a deep breath. "Thanks for letting me stay over tonight." I say to prompt her to speak.

"You don't need to thank me." She says as she reaches to her right to grab a blanket from the side of the couch. She hands me a corner and I sit up so that she can rearrage herself so that we are both laying on the couch with my back pressed against her chest and stomach. We fall asleep with her arms wrapped tightly around me. Its innocent enough. We are to the point where we could almost be friends again. Its the first time I have slept through the night with her in almost four months. I don't know how I thought I could live without this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Is one even needed at this point? I don't own them.**

**Author's Note: Okay so I know its been a while but my histology and physics finals were plaguing my existence. Hope you enjoy and I'm working on four right now! R & R!  
**

I wake up slowly with one eye at a time. Somehow during the night Cameron and I had shifted to the point where my arms are clasped tightly around her back and her head is resting on my chest. I let myself rest my cheek against her honey brown hair and smile for a second. I have no idea what time it is, so I reach carefully with my right hand to turn my cell on the table so I can read the time. Its eight thirty. I take a deep breath and hate the fact that I now have to wake Cameron in order to get off the couch and get up. I have a board meeting at ten and I know its going to take me about an hour to get to the office. I gently nudge her with my hand, but she doesn't move. Remembering that she could sleep through a nuclear blast, I say her name loudly.

" 'time is it?" She mutters as she looks at me with sleep still clouding her eyes.

"Its eight thirty. Do you have to work today?" I ask.

"Not until five. I'm on morning shift tonight. The beauties of working in the E.R." She says as she slowly turns her head to look at me. "You?"

"Yeah. I have to go." I answer and she gets my point and starts to sit up. I follow suit and sit up, too. Our eyes meet for a second and then she rubs her eyes. "I should get changed and head out. God knows I'm not going to make it in till at least nine thirty." I say.

"Okay." She says and gets up. She offers me a hand up before heading into the kitchen to probably find something to eat.

I change back into my clothes from yesterday and head back to the living room. Cameron is sitting on the couch eating a granola bar skimming through _Scientific American_ while she chews. "Thanks for letting me stay."

"Anytime." She says and looks up from her magazine to smile affectionately at me.

"I'll see you later." I say as I head toward the door. Something stops me while I'm putting on my coat and I turn and say, "Did you maybe want to grab an early dinner before your shift?"

"Sure. Sounds good." She says and pushes a lock of stray hair that had fallen from her loose pony tail out of her face. I smile back at her and let myself out her front door. When I reach my car I think about how this week drove me into the ground. Even with everything that happened this week though the last thing I expected to end the week with was with Cameron wrapped in my arms. As I put the car in gear and drive off, I think about how she looked when she was sitting on the couch in her pajamas. With her hair falling in her face in waves and loose curls, she looked gorgeous in her own accidentally pretty way. She probably fell back asleep soon after I left. I smile when I think of her walking back to her bed and falling asleep face down. I think about how she used to laugh when I would wake her up by kissing the ticklish skin on the back of her neck. I think about how I can still smell her shampoo on my pillows. When I pull up to my house I realize how dangerous last night was. Thinking about all the things that made me love Allison Cameron is definitely not helping me forget her.

Within forty-five minutes, I have showered and changed and am on my way to the office. I make it by just about nine thirty and almost have a heart attack when I walk into my office and House is sitting on my desk. "_Agh!_ House!" I half gasp/half scream and drop my bag on the floor to my side. I take a deep breath for a second before reaching down and grabbing my bag. I don't forget to cast a nasty glare in House's direction as I put my bag on the couch to hang up my coat and scarf on the coat rack. "What could you possibly want right now?" Its nine thirty. Its nine thirty and I'm already aggravated with him. Most days, he makes my day impossibly long. "You're late." He observes.

"I'm half an hour late. Who are you the attendance monitor?" I roll my eyes as I motion for him to get off my desk and sit down in my chair. For a Friday, it seems that my inbox has gotten significantly larger from when I left last night. Guess I do have plans for the weekend.

"So how's Cameron?" He asks as he turns around and leans on his cane with both hands.

"How would I know, House?" I don't make eye contact with him. There is no way I am going to engage him now when I am currently tied up in trying to find the file for the board meeting I have to attend in twenty minutes.

"If you were late because of traffic you would have said that. You didn't make an excuse, you deflected. Means you have something to hide. The only things you would really have to hide are a secret binge drinking problem or Cameron." He breathes out. "My guess is the latter."

I really don't have time for this right now. "As much as I would love to play this game with you, House, you have clinic duty and I have a meeting. You're just going to have to wait until later to torment me further."

"That's fine. Cameron would make this more fun anyway." Then he is gone. Instead of turning left into the clinic, he turns right into the main lobby. I wish I could say I was surprised.

By noon I am back in my office sitting on my couch and sorting through referrals that need to be staffed out, while getting distracted by the sun shining through the bay window on my left. There are still an insane amount of things in my inbox including the approval form for the final preparations for the hospital's winter fundraiser. I put a few files down on the table that need to go over to Diagnostics and I wonder why I bother sometimes.

My phone vibrates at four and I open it to find a text from Cameron. _"Tiger Noodles in 15?"_ I read.

_"Sounds good." _I reply a few seconds later and get up to grab my coat and bag as I walk through the door of my office. I stop at the nurses station in clinic to check on the length of the waiting list for the rest of the day as I slip my coat over my shoulders.

"Leaving so early?" Not the voice I wanted to hear right now.

"I'm going to dinner." I answer without turning to face House.

"Okay." He concedes and then continues into exam room 4 with a patient that looks less than excited to have him for a doctor. She must have been here before.

I decide to walk to Tiger Noodles instead of drive. I still have about ten minutes and the walk will do me good. I laugh at myself for how quickly got up to leave as I round the corner onto Wiggins St. My face burns from the cold air outside as I walk into the restaurant. Cameron is sitting a red plastic booth in the corner of the small restaurant holding paper menu in her hands. She is already wearing her pink scrubs with a dark blue thermal underneath and had her hair pulled up in a loose ponytail. She smiles at me as I take off my coat and sit down at the table. "Hey." I say.

"Hey." She mimics back briefly without looking up from the menu. "Would you split a tofu lomein with me? Cause I kinda want to get dumplings, too." She says with her brow furrowed in concentration.

"Sure." I laugh lightly at the situation. I forgot how cute it was that she took her Chinese food so seriously.

Dinner is nice. We smile and laugh together like we're friends. She tells me about how House comes and harasses her in the ER and I throw my head back and laugh as she tells me about how her first day she almost tripped over an IV as a patient walked to the bathroom. "You'll get used to the pace." I smile at her and she smiles back, her green eyes shining in the fluorescent lighting of the cheap restaurant.

"Yeah, I hope so." She admits with a tired smile. "Its different than diagnostics, but I like kind of being my own boss." She continues after she takes a drink of tea.

"I think you'll do fine." I say with maybe too much affection.

"Thanks." She says genuinely and lets her eyes linger on mine. My pager vibrates and it saves me from drowning in the what-ifs her eyes remind me of. "You gotta go?" She inquires.

"Shit. Yeah." I admit pathetically. "I scheduled a follow-up call with a clinic patient of mine. I'm sorry."

"No its cool." She smiles. "I have to go as well. Can I walk you?" She asks as she gets up to put her coat on.

Midway through getting my coat on I hear her request and my breath catches in my chest. "Yeah. I'd like that."

She puts her coat on as well and we walk out of the restaurant into the cold evening air. The cold is biting. The kind that makes you want to hold your breath on the walk from the car to the door because you're afraid that your lungs will freeze. We walk in silence for almost the entire walk. I turn to say something to Cameron that gets forgotten when I notice that she is blowing on her gloveless hands. "Why aren't you wearing gloves?" I say with admonishing concern.

"I forgot them in the car." She laughs pathetically as she turns to give me a small smile.

"Here." I say indicating for her to give me her hand. I take off my right glove and hand it to her

"What?" She says taking the glove from me but not quite understanding what I am trying to say to her.

"Give me your hand." I say as I reach out and take her hand in mine and put it in my pocket alongside mine. She gets what I am saying and takes her left hand out to put on my other glove before putting it back in my pocket. Her hand feels like ice against mine but begins to warm up as the heat radiates to it. We continue to walk without talking, her hand in my pocket, while I battle the urge to thread my fingers through hers. We round the corner to the hospital and she pulls her hand out of my pocket and gives me back my glove. My hand misses the warmth in half a second.

"Thanks." She says with one of her adorable smiles. "I have to go and stitch people up now." She stops and turns towards me.

"Have fun with that." I laugh.

"Wanna hang out tomorrow?" She offers.

I wish I had to think about it, but instead I answer. "Sure. We'll be in touch."

"Ha, I would think so. Its like I don't know where to find you." She says sweetly.

"Yeah, very true." I smile. This is the point where I wish that this didn't have to end. I wish that we didn't have to walk into the hospital and pretend like I don't love her. I wish that I could tell her that.

"Kay." She says before she leans forward and wraps her arms around my shoulders in a warm hug. I return the gesture and wrap my arms around her midsection and pull her tightly against me. I let my head fall onto her shoulder. She stills smells like lavender and eucalyptus. "Bye." She turns and waves slightly as she walks into the hospital and turns left to walk down the stairs to the ER.

I suppress the huge grin that was building until I shut the door to my office and get to have a moment alone. This wasn't supposed to happen. I wanted to get over her. I told myself that I couldn't let her get in the way of my work. I told myself that the best thing that I could do is to just let her go. But as I sit down and pick up Mr. Kowalcyk's file and dial the number all I can think of is the feel of her hand as it brushed against mine on the walk over.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Yeah I wish I owned them...**

**Author's note: So here is chapter 4! I am just about done with the story so stay tuned even though I know I have been super lame with updating as of late! Hope you enjoy! R&R  
**

The week goes by faster than I would have liked. Two lawsuits were filed against two different doctors this week (neither of them being House...thank God) then the hospital inspector came a week early due to a cancellation and then to top the week off, House broke one of the MRI machines...doing what I don't know. Even with all the craziness, I would be lying if I said I didn't love the pace of it. Cameron and I had coffee before work on Wednesday but since then it has been a series of cancelled lunches, missed calls, and coffees found on my desk after I accidentally missed a coffee break. As I head out the door to my car I realize that its six p.m. on a Saturday night and I am just leaving work for the weekend. I tell myself that I am justified in working so many hours this week. Anyone would have done the same thing in my situation.

I call Cameron on my way out of the hospital. "How do you feel about Tapas?" I ask after she answers the phone.

"Um..." She pauses. "That sounds good, I guess."

"Could I come over in say...half an hour?" I ask.

"Sure." She answers without much enthusiasm.

"Okay. I'll see you soon." I hang up the phone and head over to her favorite Tapas place to pick up food and a bottle of wine before driving over to Cameron's house. I thought eating at her house would be better than eating in a crowded restaurant. I hate to admit it but I've missed her these past few days. I felt guilty every time I had to call and cancel lunch or when I was obligated to be elsewhere when she and I were supposed to be having coffee.

I knock on the door and she opens it dressed in a pair of light jeans and an oversized, green sweater that makes her look adorable. "I brought Tapas here." I smile.

"Haha, nice." She replies as she motions for me to come in. I follow her into the kitchen where she goes about the business of getting plates and glasses. I set the food down on the table and got out the to-go containers and open them one by one. Cameron puts the plates and glasses down wordlessly and sits down next to me at the table. Something feels different than Tuesday night. Instead of laughing and having easy conversation, its almost like the dinners we had towards the end of our relationship. The types of dinners where she spent the entire meal being ridiculously pissed off at me, all the while I had no idea what type of sin I had committed. Strained conversations about nothing and meaningless eye contact was the norm those days.

"I'm so glad the week from hell is over." I say, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen between us.

She doesn't turn or lift her head when she she replies, "Yeah, me too." Once again, she gives me a reply that i less than a five word answer. She's definitely pissed that I cancelled on her a few times this week.

"Allison, is something wrong?" I ask after our conversation once again plummets into silence.

She stops eating for a second and takes a deep breath. "No, I'm just tired." She says.

"Are you sure that's it?" I pry again. I know that if I ask her more than twice there's a possibility she's going to snap and voice me her frustrations in the form of yelling. So in the spirit of not wanting to get yelled at, I decide that that was my last question.

Instead of reacting calmly and deflecting my question again, she stops eating and puts her fork down before turning to look me straight in the eyes. "You really want to know what's wrong? Was that a real question or did you think I'd tell you to drop it and we could move on without you having to feel guilty?" She says straight up.

"Are you saying this is my fault?" I say as I do my best to act confused. I know. I know what she is going to say. Even though my conscious mind doesn't want to admit it, I know that she has every right to be mad at me.

"No." She exhales. "Its mine. Because I knew that this was going to happen again but I let myself hope anyway." She says as she gets up and heads to the kitchen to put her dishes in the sink.

"Allison, I'm not following." I say truthfully and follow her into the kitchen.

"I knew this was going to happen. I knew if I let you back into my life that I would just build myself up for a huge let down. You told me once that I was second in the line of importance and I should have listened instead of thinking that you would actually change." She says with her back turned to me as she rinses off her plate and starts to load the dishwasher.

"Is this about this past week?" I say with disbelief. "I'm sorry I had a busy week that I didn't anticipate. I would think after knowing me for how long you have you would at least try to understand."

"I _tried _to understand!" She says with frustration that she takes out on the faucet handle. "I tried for six months to understand because it hurt too much to even think of being without you. I just can't live that way, Lisa." The last part she says no louder than a whisper.

"What do you want me to do?" Its the only thing I can even think to say.

"I want you to figure out what you want." She says honestly as she turns around to face me. "I want you to not make plans and then cancel them when something better comes along. I just want you to figure out if there's a place for me in your life. And if it turns out there isn't..." She continues as she takes a step closer to me and runs her fingers through my hair that falls around my shoulders, "...I want you to be able to let me go. If we can't figure out what we want from each other than maybe its not worth the trouble."

"Allison--" I start but don't know where to end. She's so close to me I could kiss her but I am scared that I'll fall over the edge if I do.

"I think you should leave." She says quietly and goes back to washing her dishes like she didn't just tear my heart out and show me all of my flaws. I gather my coat wordlessly and head towards the door.

"I do love you, though." I say with my hand on the door handle.

"I know." She says as she appears in the doorway of the kitchen. I close the door behind me and continue to walk out of the building to my car. I drive home without the radio on and think about what she said. Is it really worth the trouble? I love her. I've known that for a long time. But this life...this life is what I have spent every waking hour preparing for. This life was supposed to be all I ever wanted. Then there's Cameron. Cameron who is everything that she appears to be and nothing that you think she might be. She's intelligent, beautiful, funny, hardworking, and for some reason was crazy enough to let me love her. We broke up for real reasons; reasons that can't be ignored. I don't think its even possible to be the perfect boss, doctor, and partner all at the same time. If I can't have all three, which one do I give up? And do I even want to make the choice?

It's freezing in my house when I get home. It has to be around fifty degrees outside and I decided not to waste energy on heat if its going to be sixty degrees outside all day. However, as I lock the door behind me and head to my room I really regret the decision. I find a t-shirt in my drawer that Cameron must have left as I search for something to wear to bed. It's a vintage Led Zeppelin shirt that she claims she stole from her brother when she was a teenager. I hold it to my nose and even though I know there is no way it still smells like her I pretend it does. I slip it on and crawl into bed. I dream of her as soon as I fall asleep. In my dream, she straddles my lap and kisses me roughly while running her fingers from the base of my neck and into my hair. I pull her pink scrub top off and kiss my way down her chest and between the space where her ribs separate. She hisses hotly into the air when I kiss the flesh above her cartoid artery There are "I love you" 's an "forever"s thrown into the thick air as we reclaim each others bodies.

A hypnic jerk wakes me and I realize she's gone. I try to close my eyes and fall back asleep, but to no avail. The clock says its three thirty. I sit up knowing that there is no way I am getting back to sleep now. Padding out of my bedroom, I decide to go to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of wine.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Hey sorry for the lack of updating as of late. I have had these chapters sitting on my hard drive for a while but the term just started and my Onc rotation takes precedent over this...sorry guys:-) I hope you like it...there is one more chapter coming which will be like an epilogue sort of thingy. R&R cause after the week I had reviews would just make it so much better:-)**

A week later and I sit in my office going over the papers from doctors who are up for relicensing. Its not that its necessarily hard work, its just a lot of it. I mean I'm not saying my job is easy, but still I could easily could hire an assistant who does exactly half of the and not stay at the office until eight every other night. I haven't seen Cameron since that night at her apartment. That doesn't mean that I haven't thought of her every time I look in the mirror at the smiley face sticker she stuck to it while she was keeping me company while I took a bath. She had gotten it from a nurse in the Pediatrics wing and told me that it was a perfect place for encouragement. Every time I see it it reminds me of the little things she would do to make me smile. Being happy with her was effortless. It was the fighting that was terrible. Those nights that I spent working in the room over, there were moments when I knew I should have been keeping the bed warm in the space next to her.

I hear the latch of my door being opened and I look up to find House walking into my office. He has that smug look on his face and I know that whatever he came here to tell me is just going to irritate me. "So you wouldn't happen to know if Cameron is still single would you?" He asks as he plops down on the chair in front of my desk.

"What are you talking about, House?" I ask. If I looked back at these past few years I would notice that I have said that phrase too many times. I let my eyes focus back on Dr. Escobar's file, hoping that I have avoided this conversation.

"I was thinking about asking her if he wanted to get a drink. But I didn't wanna hunt on your turf. If you know what I mean." He punctuates his sentence with a waggle of his eyebrows.

He knows exactly which buttons to push. I had almost had Cameron pushed into the recesses of my mind and he saunters in here and talks about dating her. I want to tell him that he can get out. I want to tell him that I don't care what Cameron does. I want to tell him to go to hell. But nothing comes out. "Thirty-five seconds." He states with a glance towards the bookshelf on his left and a tap of his cane on the floor.

"What?" I stammer.

"The time it took for you to let me know that you're still interested in Cameron. Cool." He says as he gets up as swiftly as he sat down. "Means there is hope for my video camera yet!" He says on his way out.

I sit down at my desk and rub my left hand over my eyes. I want to be angry with him for sticking his nose in my business, but at the same time I know he's right. I don't think I'll ever be able to be uninterested in Allison Cameron. She once asked me why I hired House. I didn't really give her an answer because I don't even know if I have one. I knew him when we were younger, we had something for one night and then he disappeared. I always knew he was brilliant, but I also knew he was an ass. Yet, when I've needed him he's always been a good friend in his own way. So I deal with the bullshit that he puts me through because he's an excellent doctor who wouldn't be able to get hired at CVS and he's good for this hospital. Well, that's if he doesn't do anything stupid.

* * * *

I knock on Wilson's door. After a second and no response, I push open the door to find that he is on the phone. "Can we talk?" I mouth to him silently. He holds up his hand to signal me to hold on a minute, so I take a seat in a chair in front of his desk.

After a minute, he finishes his follow up call and hangs up the phone. "What's up?" He must have taken a look at my expression because he no later gets the first question out before amending it with, "What did House do?"

"He asked me if I knew if Cameron was single." I recount.

"Innocent enough. And you said--?" He prods.

"I couldn't give him an answer." I admit plainly.

"Why not?" He inquires.

"I don't know." I throw my arms up in defeat. "I had so many things I wanted to say to him. And one was that I didn't care. But, I do care. I care whether or not she is dating someone else--especially if that someone is House. I don't think I could take someone else making her happy."

Wilson holds up his hand to me. "I'm going to stop you right there, Lisa." He says. "This is a conversation you should be having with Cameron."

"But I don't know if I can give up everything I have and she deserves better than that." I say.

"Do you love her?" He asks.

"Yes." I reply honestly.

"Then I'm sure you'll figure it out." He reassures me. I don't have anything to say to that. I take a second to reflect on what he said before I get up and head for the door. "Lisa--" He says as I am almost out the door. "--I don't know how many more chances you're going to get. Cameron is not going to let you pick her up and put her down at your convenience. If you are going to do this...you better be sure you really want this."

"I do." I whisper and lean my head against the cold wood of the doorframe.

"Okay then." Wilson says with a nod of his head and I give him a small smile before walking out and shutting the door behind me. On the walk back to my office I think about how this is going to work out. Allison and I broke up for real reasons, ones that can't be ignored. I have a problem with balance...she has a problem with understanding that just because I have to work sometimes doesn't mean I don't love her. But at the same time when I look at what I want from my life its so hard to see the future without her in it. In the span of a year, Allison Cameron completely turned my world upside down. A year ago, I was content to work myself into the ground twenty-four hours a day. The hospital was my life and I wanted nothing else. Now, I can't live without the sound of her laugh, the feel of the skin on her shoulder against my lips or how just her presence can completely calm me down. I would be lying if I said that loving Cameron hasn't changed me at all.

"Jason, could you come into my office please?" I ask as I pass by my assistant on the way into my office. He grabs his notepad and follows me into the room. I lean against my desk and wait for him to sit down. "I need you to start looking for your replacement." I say without any particular emotion.

He waits a second, clears his throat and then says, "Are you firing me?"

"No." I say with a slight smile. "I am promoting you to my deputy. I need you to find someone who can take your place as my personal assistant."

"Is this a joke?" He asks.

"No, unless you don't want the job. You have great organizational skills; good time management, and are much better with dealing with low-level administrative work than I am. What do you say? Do you want the job?" I ask.

"I would be crazy to say 'no.' " he responds with a smile. "Thank you, Doctor Cuddy."

I stand and shake his hand. "No, Jason, thank you." I say genuinely. "You start your new job on Monday and I would expect that you have found a replacement or a temp by that time." He nods and then walks out of the room and returns to his desk.

I glance at the clock and see that its five already. If I read the schedule correctly then Cameron should have been done with work about an hour ago. After gathering my things, I leave the office and head to her house instead of mine. I try to will my hands to stop shaking as I get to her door and knock lightly. After a minute and another knock, I hear the chain sliding off and the deadbolt being unlocked. "I hired a deputy." I say as soon as she opens the door.

"What?" She stammers as she tries to catch up.

"I promoted Jason to help me out with some of the work the piles up. It should free me up for dinner. I was thinking tomorrow night." I smile. Right now things could go one of two ways. She could either shut the door in my face or laugh and ask me to come in. I really hopes its the latter because its freezing outside.

"What are you saying?" She says as she folds her arms across her chest and leans against the doorframe.

"I'm saying that I want this. I want this to be what's most important." I say as I step closer to her. "I know I should have told you sooner but you've always been what's most important to me. I love you, Allison." I blurt out. "I love you more than I ever thought was possible to love someone."

"Do you expect me to just take you back?" She asks skeptically but the tone of her voice tells me that she is considering my offer.

"No." I say honestly as I take one step closer to her and run my hands down the outside of her arms. "I was thinking we'd have dinner. I'd buy you flowers and hold your hand. I'd wait for you to trust me again. I'm willing to do that for as long as it takes. Because taking it slow is better than living without you." Allison smiles at me and I can see a few tears pooling in her eyes. She steps fully into my embrace and kisses me tentatively. Not satisfied with tentative, I pull her closer to me and crush my lips to hers.

"I love you so much." She says against my lips as she threads her fingers into my hair.

"Hey, Al." I say between kisses.

"Mhmm?" She says distractedly as she moves her kisses from my lips to my neck.

"Could we go inside?" I laugh. "Cause as much as I love where this is going, it's freezing out here." She laughs and takes me by the hands and pulls me into the apartment. I shut the door behind us leaving the world outside and pull her into my arms. Holding her now I know that I belong nowhere else other than with her...it feels good to be home.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Still only in my dreams. **

**Author's Note: This is it...the last chapter. I hope that you all enjoyed it! I am working on a new fic...but that one won't be up till I am finished with it. Thanks to all my reviewers you guys rock!**

_Fifteen Months Later_

Its late May. Princeton is starting to come to life again from under the mud from the melting snow and rain we had the previous month. There have been a few days that have fallen around eighty degrees, however, the early morning temperature is warm but definitely not warm enough to not wear a sweatshirt. I slip my shoes on and walk out to the mailbox to get the mail in the morning before I get ready for work. I get the mail and walk back inside and upstairs to the bedroom. Boxes are still piled up in the living room and dining room and I make a note to myself to actually start unpacking them this weekend.

Back in the bedroom I smile when I realize that Cameron, true to her words, is still sleeping. I climb gingerly back onto the bed so that I don't wake her. She is passed out just about face down with her body half hanging out of the covers with her naked back teasing me. I softly place a kiss above her L3 vertebra and work my way up kissing every third from that one onward. I know she's awake because of the sleepy smile that I can see on her face as I kiss the top of her shoulder. "Allison." I whisper into her skin.

"You gonna make me breakfast?" She asks quietly. Ever since working in the ER the Cameron who was a morning person has now become the Cameron who never wants to get out of bed. A phrase I have gotten used to hearing these past few weeks is "five more minutes."

I laugh. "I would, my dear. Except who's job was it to unpack the kitchen stuff while I was at work yesterday?" I ask as I lay down beside her and draw lazy circles on her lower back with my left index finger. I knew that I should have reminded her. I knew that if she had to be at work at four she probably wouldn't wake up until about two and then head out to work. She had to work two morning shifts this week, which is unusual for her as of late. But its what happens when you are the attending in the ER.

"I knew I forgot to do something." She says into her pillow before turning her head to the other side to look at me and smile.

"How about we take a shower..." I pause to watch her bite her lip when she realizes what I'm suggesting. "...then I'll buy you a bagel and you can drive me to work. That sound good to you?" I ask and punctuate my question with a soft kiss on her lips.

"Kay." She says through closed eyes. "Call me when the shower's ready."

"Uh ah, you're coming now." I say as I attempt to pull her up off the bed with me.

"That's what she said." She laughs as she gets up with a groan and a disdainful look at the sun coming through our bedroom window.

I head towards the bathroom and turn on the shower. The master bath and the master bedroom are the only rooms we have completely unpacked. When we moved in three weeks ago we said that we were going to take it a room at a time. The furniture was the easy part cause we decided to buy all new stuff. But the process of going through both of our things and deciding what we want to keep and what we want to get rid of has definitely proven to be a lot more tedious than we both expected. I now regret letting Allison talk me into getting the three-bedroom house. She just looked so adorable as the relator showed us around. She loved the open floor plan on the ground floor and the cathedral ceilings in the foyer. Along with the granite counters and dark wood cabinets in the kitchen. There was no way I could tell her that she couldn't have it.

As I step into the shower I realize that its been nice having something that is ours. When we got back together we talked about moving in together but decided that it couldn't happen until we found a house that we both liked. We talked about making plans like houses and commitment and dogs...kids came up once but we decided to table that discussion for later. I was thinking I might like to have kids...you know someday. Cameron's arms encircling me from behind pull me from my daydream and I sigh into her embrace. For a second I revel in the feel of her lithe body pressed against mine as the hot water cascades down my skin. I feel Allison lightly kiss the space where my neck meets my shoulder before continuing upwards to kiss the spot behind my ear. Her fingers trace a trail from my lower abdomen up to cup my breasts. I moan quietly as I lean my head back against her shoulder, encouraging her to continue what she started. She kisses my neck, my shoulders, the skin about my CVII vertebra and with each kiss I become more impatient with her slow, tender teasing. I turn in her arms and mold myself into her and kiss her roughly. I push her up against the tile wall of he shower and she hisses when the cool ceramic comes in contact with her bare skin.

For a spilt second I make contact with her pale green eyes and am overwhelmed with the desire to kiss every inch of her body beginning with her perfectly chiseled jaw line. "Lisa..." She whispers as I leave a trail of feather light kisses from her jaw to her neck. Taking her breasts in my hands, I massage them tenderly while I place a kiss above her jugular notch then nibble lightly on the transverse ridges of her sternum. She moans loudly and wraps her arms around my neck as she arches her back into me. I smile against her wet skin and take her left nipple completely into my mouth. She really has the most perfect breasts, I think as I take the hardened bud and lightly run it between my teeth in the way I know drives her insane. She once complained about how she thought her breasts were too small. I told her she was nuts. I continue to massage her left breast while I move on to show attention to the right. I certainly don't want them thinking I love one more than the other.

Cameron slips her right hand from around my neck down the front of my body before she reaches my clit and makes a slow, deliberate circle around it. What I had meant as an exhale comes out in a gasp and Cameron smiles a devilish smile before she grabs my hips and pulls them flush against hers. She slips her right leg between mine and begins to grind her thigh against my clit. Instinctively, I wrap my arms around her midsection and pull her closer, encouraging her to push harder. Each breath I take comes out as a small moan and I can tell by the bruises Cameron is no doubt leaving on my ass that she is close too. I bite her neck as I come and kind of hope it leaves a mark. We kiss lazily under the water for another minute or so, still clinging to each other as we come down from our mutual high. "As much as I would love to continue this," I say between kisses, "I really need to go to work soon."

She smiles against my lips. "Okay." She concedes. "I'll get out and let you finish." She gives me another quick kiss on the lips before opening the glass door and padding back into the bedroom. I know she is probably going to put a pair of yoga pants on and a sweatshirt and then go back to sleep. When I get out of the shower I find her face down across the foot of the bed in just that and am not surprised. I make a point of smacking her ass with my towel as I walk to the closet to get dressed. She groans and turns over onto her back without opening her eyes. "Can you please please please unpack the kitchen stuff today?" I call out to her as I try and decide on an outfit for the day. "I would really like to be able to cook my own food sometime in the near future." Instead of a response I hear another groan. Deciding on the gray skirt with my black cardigan I quickly get dressed and stop at the bureau to put on a simple string of pearls and a set of diamond earrings.

Cameron gets up off the bed and helps me clasp my necklace. She kisses the back of my neck when she has finished and it makes me smile. "I have something else I want you to wear today." She whispers into my ear as I feel her slip a ring onto my left ring finger. "And if you want you can wear it everyday after as well."

I look up and catch her eyes in the mirror. She's staring back at me with a small smile and questioning eyes. "Are you saying--?" I begin but she turns me around to face her and my thought is forgotten.

"Will you marry me?" She asks as she brushes the pads of her fingers lightly against my cheek.

I answer her with a chaste kiss on her lips. There are no tears or cliche declarations of agreement. Instead, I simply say: "You didn't even have to ask."

Throughout the drive to work I can't get the smile off my face thinking about a life with Cameron. For the past year this is the direction I felt that we were going in, but as I twirl the simple platinum ring around my finger it all seems real now. "I love you." I say to Cameron as we separate from a kiss in front of the hospital.

"I love _you_." She responds before giving me a quick kiss on my forehead. "Now go make House's life miserable."

I laugh as I get out of the car because she and I both know that ninety percent of the time it's the other way around.

_Three Years Later_

I get out of the elevator and I see Cameron at the Information desk. House is leaning across it with his head resting on his hand and is currently giving her dreamy eyes. She smiles beautifully at something he is saying and laughs in the way that makes her pale green eyes light up. I watch her for a minute and can't help but wonder how it is possible for her to be so beautiful. "House." I say sternly as I near where they are standing. "Will you stop flirting with my wife, please?" I half-joke. I know that the ring she wears on her left hand makes it pretty obvious that she's not interested, but I still worry about House and his boundary issues every once in a while.

"Jealous today, are we?" Cameron says as I wrap my arms around her waist. I've been too far away from her warmth for too long these past two days.

"Only cause I've missed you." I say right before I press my lips to hers in a vestal kiss. Its short but its sweet and its all I can get in the hospital lobby. We never officially "came out" to everyone else but we just weren't going to hide it anymore. We do have rules, however, about degrees and appropriateness of public displays of affection. But that's just because macking in public is gross and also because House would not know what to do with himself.

House groans, turns and walks off. "Ready to go?" Cameron asks as we walk into my office.

"Yeah just give me one second to say 'hello' to my little man." I say as I reach down into the baby carrier that she holds in both hands and pick up our five-month-old son, Noah. When his adoption papers finally went through we decided to give him Cameron's name, since I changed mine after we were married last September in Washington, D.C. "Did you have a good day with, Mama?" I ask as I place one kiss on each of his cheeks before hugging him close to my chest. I gather up my things and hand Noah back to Cameron for a second so I can pick up my bag and lock the door to my office.

"So what did you do today?" I ask her as I take the baby carrier from her on the way out the door.

"Well Noah and I had an adventure at the hardware store because we decided that we're going to finally hang up the bench swing on the porch. Aren't we, big man?" She says to Noah who giggles in response and reaches out to grab onto her necklace. "Then we spent the rest of the day watching Discovery Kids while I finished my article."

"And by finish your article you mean…?" I prod as I take Noah from her so that I can load him into his car seat.

"I mean he and I took a nap on the couch." She smiles at me. I can't help but place a kiss on her lips as and pull her into my arms. "We missed you today though."

"I missed you guys, too." I answer honestly. Cameron and I both took a month off after Noah's birth. Cameron came back to work two months ago but doesn't work as many hours as she used to. Its funny to think that three years ago I would have never believed that I could leave work at four in the afternoon on a Wednesday and be happy about it. But as I get in the car and catch my son's eye in the rearview mirror I look over at Cameron and know that I made the right choice. My life could have very easily been something different, but I know that I would never have been as happy as I am now.


End file.
